Update: 1/19/13

Sorry that I haven't posted an update lately. I took a little time away to process my thoughts & let everything sink in. I was debating on sharing my HSG results with everyone, but have decided to do so.

As many of you know, I had a hysterosalpingogram (HSG test) on Thursday. The HSG test is designed to assist fertility doctors in locating any blockages in the fallopian tubes and ovaries. I was extremely nervous about getting this test done because my fertility doctor had already mentioned concerns about why I had not experienced any pregnancies yet. He was also very concerned that my reproductive organs may have been damaged during my initial laparoscopy.

I really did not want to hear bad news, and was doing my best to remain positive.

I was able to get the results while laying on the table. Before I was even allowed to sit up, the doctor asked if I had any trauma or surgeries on my right ovaries. I knew something was very wrong when he asked me this. I told him that I had the laparoscopy and he did not seem to pleased.

He showed me the x-ray pictures, and it was like a cartoon flip book. I saw the catheter in my uterus before the dye was inserted, and then saw the dye spreading through my organs. The dye filled my left fallopian tube and ovary with no problem. However, my right side did not allow any dye to pass.

(Photo Credit: Island Reproductive Services)

 Nothing. Not even a single drop. 

I can't really describe the feeling of seeing that. It felt like I had just been kicked in the gut. 

Dr. Patel, one of my Fertility doctors told me that I will need to have to have another HSG next month. If there are no changes to my right organs, he told me that "We will have to have a serious talk." I didn't ask him what he meant by that because I was very upset and was trying not to cry. I imagine that it means my laparoscopy will be even sooner than springtime.

The test is not the most pleasant experience either. I have e-mailed my other fertility doctor, Dr. Amols, to see if I will have to have another HSG. I am hoping that I can get out of a second test if Dr. Amols can obtain my laparoscopy results. 

I know that you are probably still thinking that I still have my left-side, and you are right. However, my right ovary actually has more eggs than my left ovary.

So far, I will be waiting impatiently until next month when I will find out if my right fallopian tube and ovary are completely blocked. It is going to be a long month.

Have you experienced a less than normal HSG test? Have you experienced any damage to your organs as a result to a laparoscopy? How do you cope? 

xo Heather 

Fertility Diary: RE Consultation

Tyler, my husband and I had our first meeting with the Reproductive Endocrinologist last Wednesday (January 9, 2013). I will get back to the consultation in a moment, but first I want to share something with you.

The night before the RE consultation, my 19 year old sister called me with news that I was not prepared for – she called to tell me that she was expecting. A million emotions ran through my head, and I feel guilty to admit that they were not all good thoughts.

All night long, I tossed and turned trying to heal my hurt. I even had a good cry before my consultation.

The next afternoon, Tyler and I arrived to meet Dr. Amols – who is an amazing doctor. After we discussed our history of trying to conceive, I received the bad news. Dr. Amols told me that I have four issues working against me, right off the top. These issues are the fact that I have not had any pregnancies in four years, endometriosis, irregular periods, and a tilted uterus.

I begin testing to determine my ability to become pregnant next week then will meet with Dr. Amols to discuss options available to us, if there are any. I feel really confident that he will try everything he can do to help my husband and I start a family, but I am leaving it up to God.

My health insurance also only covers 80% of the testing. After the testing, my medical insurance does not help with any of the options, so everything will be out of pocket. So whatever these options are will have to be carefully considered financially, since I will undergo three surgeries this year.

I do not understand why God had chosen for me to learn of my sister’s baby news at that exact moment in time. Prior to the phone call, I was laying on the couch praying to God for a good consultation appointment while trying to come to peace with the fact that I may not be able to conceive. Why now? I had never been jealous, envious, or bitter towards my sister up until that moment. I am still struggling with the fact that I am so hurt by the news that my sister is pregnant. In recent years, I have become angry and upset at learning of other woman becoming pregnant, but this is a new low for me to be unhappy with my sister.

xo Heather

Image Credit: Jenna Marbles, Good Reads

Fertility Diary: Intro

I have had the symptoms of IC and Endometriosis for as long as I can remember but thought that I was normal. One thing that did not seem normal to me was that I was not getting pregnant, and I had no idea why. Friends, family, and acquaintances all around me were starting families and some were experiencing unplanned pregnancies, but my husband and I were not able to do conceive

In the summer of 2012, shortly after our relocation to Phoenix, my Endo, PFD and IC symptoms hit a peak. I was having a difficult time urinating, and it really hurt to empty my bladder. I was diagnosed with PFD and IC before my laparoscopy in November. During the laparoscopy, I was officially diagnosed with Endometriosis, even though the medical term was brought up to my attention long before the laparoscopy.

Now everything was starting to make sense. For four years I had been trying to conceive, while constantly wondering why I was unable to conceive with my husband. Now I knew that the issue was most likely Endometriosis, a medical term that I despise. Despite my disgust for the term, my goal is to raise Endo awareness while documenting my fertility journey.

I am nervous and scared to share this part of my life with you. However, I feel that I owe it to every woman who has or will continue to suffer from Endometriosis.

This is for all of the women who have been down such a long, dark path of learning to cope and become at peace with fertility issues. I want to be your voice. This is my journey, no filter.

xo Heather

RE Consultation: Update

Well.......

I had my consultation with the Reproductive Endocrinologist on Wednesday afternoon. Things are not looking to great for me. My fertility specialist said that I have four strikes against me: 

Strike 1: Four years without birth control and no pregnancies

Strike 2: Endometriosis (I hate that medical term)

Strike 3: Irregular periods

Strike 4: Tilted Uterus

(Photo Credit: The Gluten Doctors)

So there you have it. Right off the top, I have four issues that are working against me. Yes, I know, I have not had any testing yet. I am in the process. I will meet back with my doctor as soon as he has collected and reviewed all of the testing that my husband and I are gearing up for.

 I really hate my body. 

That is the only info that I have to give you at the moment, but I will keep you all posted. No matter how difficult things get in the future, my status and health will always be an open book. I want to document what it is like to live with endometriosis. I will always spread endo awareness, no matter how dark of a path it takes me on. I will not break.  However, I want to make those that do not live with this illness fully aware of what this disease can cause:

the inability to create life.

How do you cope with fertility issues?

xo Heather 

P.S. Sorry for the rant. I am very emotional tonight. Like many of you, I want a child so badly.

Ask the Audience

Okay, so it's time to bring up the "E" word to your partner. How do you do it? When is the right time? How many dates before the topic of Endometriosis comes up? Do you think this makes or breaks the relationship? 

I want to know your thoughts, past experiences, and feelings on this subject.

Leave a comment below, or shoot me an e-mail if you want to remain anonymous.

I will be typing up a follow-up post as advice for single endo women soon.

xo Heather

MTV: True Life episode

I ran across this episode of True Life: I Can't Have Sex. Endometriosis isn't mentioned, but painful sex and pelvic disorders were mentioned. This episode aired a couple of years ago, but is still insightful. I also like the fact that these brave women shared their story on national television. Check out the clip here. 

What do you think? Leave a comment below. 

xo Heather 

Photo Credit: Bangs & A Bun

Endo & Remaining Intimate

For all of the ladies who have a boyfriend or husband in the picture, it is no secret that being intimate with our dreadful condition is extremely difficult. Not to mention painful. Since I first started having symptoms of endometriosis, this has been one of the biggest challenges for me. I do not want to risk my marriage because of lack of intimacy. So, with the help of the always amazing Google search engine, and my own personal ideas, I have created a list of ways to be intimate, without being, well, intimate!

Sensual touching: Give your lover shoulder rubs or back massages. There is something incredible about pleasing your partner. Bonus points for massage oils, like the one listed here from Bath & Body Works.

Go on a walk: Grab some coffee or hot chocolate and take a walk. I took the picture above while walking in downtown Scottsdale. You never know what you will find or run into!

 

Enjoy the sunrise/sunset: I haven't lived in Phoenix long, but I do have to brag that The Southwest has some of the most Uh-Mazing sunrises and sunsets that I have ever seen. I took this stunning picture just outside the Superstition Mountains. Watching the sun rise or set is a very romantic way to spend time with your love.

Cook his favorite meal: Okay, so what? The picture above isn't a great example since it doesn't showcase my cooking abilities. However, it is a funny picture of Tyler (my husband)!Anyway, you can set the mood by lighting some romantic candles. Then dim the lights and have dinner ready when he arrives. You will definitely get bonus points if you put on one of his button-up shirts. When I want to be sexy, I always think back to the Pretty Woman scene where Richard Gere comes home to Julia Roberts in a new tie. So, if you are feeling frisky, make it just the tie. Warning: He just might like it!

Bubble baths/steamy showers: Laying together in a warm, luxurious bubble bath is a great way to reconnect with your partner. Make sure to ask him how his day was and really listen to him. With all that women with endometriosis deal with, sometimes it is easy to forget to ask the main man in our lives just how he is doing. Added points for drying him off with a hot towel! 

(photo credit: Rue Magazine)

Go on your first date: Surprise him with a de javu moment and recreate your first date. It will definitely remind both of you how far you have come as a couple, while reminiscing on such a memorable moment. Make sure to remind him of the way that you felt (minus any bad moments) to really make him feel loved.

Buy him a present: This does not have to be an expensive or lavish gift, especially since the holidays are coming up. Simply purchase a “just-because” gift to showcase your love and appreciation for him. If you need help with suggestions, think along the lines of his favorite candy, junk food, or alcoholic beverage. FYI - that is Tonka as a puppy (and a gift to ourselves when we adopted him from a local shelter).

Try out a game of “Truth or Dare”. Play an adult version of “Truth or Dare” or another game that can have a naughty side to it. Here is a great site that has several sexy examples of “truths” and “dares.” In the picture above, Tyler and I got a little daring and dressed up for some photobooth fun at my sisters wedding!

 

Finally, just enjoy the moment. You're in love, and your partner is with you on this crazy rollercoaster ride called Endometriosis. Enjoy every minute!

What do you do as a couple to keep the spark alive? Leave a comment below!

xo Heather